I can't wait to Grow Up!

I can't wait to grow up.  Even though I am an adult, I feel like I am in a holding pattern.  It's as if I'm waiting for that next phase, only I am not sure when it will actually begin. I know I have a minimum of 10.5 years before I am eligible to retire from my current career.  This seems like a long time, but in life, it's really not.  

I know if I chose to work once I retire, I will not work in my current field. I don't want it to be 'work'. I want it to be fun, a hobby, a passion or something I've dreamed and yearned to do. I think about options and have various ideas but can't make up my mind. Good thing, I don't have to make up mind just yet. I've got time. Well I hope I have time.  As we know, life is not guaranteed, each day is a gift.

Since there is no guarantee, I often day dream about seeking out my passion right now. To follow my dreams and do what would truly make me happy.  But then reality sets in and I realize I have others who depend on me for food, shelter and the general necessities of life.  I have security right now.  Sometimes responsibility has to take precedence over desire.

Choices.  The choices I have made in my life have landed me where I am today. Some have been great choices and other are results of my failures. I have learned from both even though I don't always like the lesson.

So the internal battle continues.  I want the security of my current lifestyle, but want the freedom of my dreams. Is it possible?  Unfortunately, not right now.  I enjoy snippets of my dreams in my daily life but I will have to wait patiently until I can fulfill the rest. I must earn it. I have to be patient. I have to finish the path I am on and follow the fork in the road at a later time.

I will have to wait to grow up for a few more years. I can play when the work is done. So for now, I will have play dates.